Consumer Mistakes Case by Case

I spent some time this past month bouncing from bar to bar performing my usual “drink” research routine at some of the posh places around town. With my trusty silver pen in check, two sticks of juicy fruit, a corkscrew (as I always have one on me) and my seldom-used reporter’s notebook, I set out hoping to document patrons performing acts of atrocity against fermented beverages. My project: To observe and record instances of male and female subjects treating wine in an inappropriate manner. Note: The study looked past individual preference of wines relating to color (red, white or rose), national origin (Germany, France, USA, Australia, etc.) and economic value (e.g., the cost of a Brittany Spears t-shirt compared to that of a house payment) and delved into topics the wine snob gestapo thumb their worn-out noses at. The purpose of this study is to inform the general public, in a light-hearted manner, of proper procedures relating to the consumption and storage of wine thereby decreasing the chance for embarrassment in public arenas and the unfortunate subsequent avoidance of fermented grape beverages. The following cases represent some of the most common consumer mistakes. Case 1: Subjects: Two males and two females Location: Swank nightspot What happened: Server approached gentleman #1 (who for the sake of this case study we’ll refer to as Larry) and handed him the wine list. A wine was chosen and Server scurried off to retrieve the treasure. Server returned and opened the bottle. Server poured a taste to Larry. Larry waved off the taste and motioned to pour the glasses. Glasses were poured. Two of the four diners picked up the glass by the bowl and began drinking. What should have happened: Server approached table and placed wine list within reach of all patrons. Wine was ordered. Server returned with treasure and presented label to customer. Customer accepted the wine as the one ordered, checking vintage date, producer and any vineyard or regional designation. Wine was opened and a small taste was poured to Host. Host nosed (meaning smelled) the wine and determined there were no faults. [The most common flaw found with wine occurs when the bottle is corked (has a “faulty” cork), causing the wine to smell like moldy, wet cardboard.] Host accepted the wine and Server proceeded to pour glasses for females first, then males and finally for the Host. If Host were adept at determining a “corked” bottle, he might have refused that wine. If you find yourself in a similar situation and are unsure, ask for the sommelier (a French term for wine steward) or the staff member that knows the most about the wine list. Hint: If you catch a wine-friendly restaurant or bar at the right time, they may have a corked bottle around from a previous customer that you can smell - but please ask them on a slow night. Also note: To be considered part of the ‘in’ crowd, hold the wine glass by the stem. The bowl is not a preferred positioning for your digits as it can expedite the warming of the juice in your glass … not to mention the fingerprinting it causes. Case 2: Subjects: Two females (We’ll call them Katie and Aimee.) Location: University City What happened: Females planning to begin a wine collection to impress their young professional friends chose an assortment of wines including Chardonnay, Cabernet Sauvignon, Shiraz and White Zin. Wines were placed in a fancy kitchen wine rack which receives direct sunlight for approximately two hours a day. What should have happened: Females passed on the addition of White Zin to their collection of wines, instead adding a Pinot Blanc, Pinot Grigio or Riesling. Rack should have been moved to a location in the apartment that does not undergo fluctuations in temperature (which can cause seepage through the cork). Keep wine out of the sunlight or bright lights (which tires the wine). Wine should never exceed 68 degrees or drop below 45 degrees. These temperatures are crucial. A steady constant temperature of 55 degrees is considered the ideal for long-term storage. If that is not possible, the floor of an interior closet works well, and basements are acceptable if there are no odors. Humidity is also a concern, as too little can cause a cork to dry out and increase the potential for oxidation to set in. Think about it. Grapes are fruit. Fruit in the refrigerator lasts longer than fruit placed on the counter in direct sunlight. If you have a hard time sleeping at night worrying about your wine, check into purchasing a wine storage cabinet. Case 3: Subjects: Two males Location: Restaurant in high-rent district What happened: Cork was presented to Gentleman and he immediately placed cork up to his nose. Wine is poured into a glass and after swirling Gentleman states, “This is a great wine, look at those wonderful legs.” What should have happened: Cork was presented to Gentleman. He inspected it to see if it was wet on one end and dry on the other, proving the wine was stored on its side. Also, he noted the producer’s name, which is often prominently displayed on the cork. (Side note: Years ago, unscrupulous dealers would sell inferior wines with false labels of sought-after gems). After swirling, Gentleman looked at the legs and kept the information to himself, knowing full well that legs are an indication of body-type only and not an indication of quality. Gentleman then nosed the wine and accepted or refused it based upon its bouquet rather than the condition of cork or the legs.